I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am naked and annoyed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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