i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
