Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
