I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
