at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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