Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
