Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
