wanna go halves on a baby?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
