My room smells like vodka and shame
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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