I heard we made out
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
