Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This gyro tastes like lonliness
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
