if you like me you must not know who I am
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
