Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
