time to smoke my breakfast
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
