so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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