Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
