birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
