some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
