Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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