i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
