he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
