Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
