this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just found puke in my bra..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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