Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
