Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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