I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
