Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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