i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
