I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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