once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
