i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
