i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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