The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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