I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
