Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
