How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize