i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
