This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
