the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
