Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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