She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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