Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
