For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
