All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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