My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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