and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize