i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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