I cockslap morals
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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