please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
not ubering you a puppy
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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