It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
