Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
