remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
