I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize