1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
its liver damage thursday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
