I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
