I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My penis needs a shock collar
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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