i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
