I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize