i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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