it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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