oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
