I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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