Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
