So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize