Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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