If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
