Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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