I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
