i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She's the barista slut.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
