That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
