so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
