I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
