please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
