my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
