so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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