the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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