I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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