at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
